Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
