It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
