good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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