...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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