In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
