Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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