just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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