You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
