the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
