His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
