I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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