i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
