I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
