i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
