There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
