I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
