Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
