found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
