My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
