i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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