I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
