I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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