i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I supernannyed him into submission
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
