i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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