I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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