he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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