She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
17 year olds will be the death of me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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