I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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