Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
