remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
