Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
