fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
