He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
