that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
