I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
