can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
