Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
