Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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