if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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