For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
