took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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