he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
