no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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