You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
