Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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