dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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