I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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