How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
