i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
