She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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