My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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